Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
