I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
