oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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