if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
