Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
