I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
