how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
