I checked into jail on foursquare
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
