She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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