Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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