so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
