State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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