Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
