I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
