meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
