So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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