Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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