We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize