Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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