I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
