the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
