To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
