My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
