I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I want her autograph on my taint
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
