I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize