there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
