There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I want her autograph on my taint
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
