At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
