I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
