For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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