We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
