he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
