i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
