I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
