I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
