Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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