i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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