our cab driver is having phone sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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