My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
