Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
