We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
