Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize