the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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