I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
