Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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