I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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