he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
