I molested 6 butterflies tonight
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
