I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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