I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
