Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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