I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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