my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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