: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
