i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
