So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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