guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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