spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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