Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize