youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
