tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
