i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
