4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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