I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
