chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
