In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
