i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
