The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
