Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
