we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
