I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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