I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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