bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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