dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Randomize
