and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
