Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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