dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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