I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
