Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
