i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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