Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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