He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
