I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
