Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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