mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
