it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
