o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
