Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
