im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
