last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
