One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
