I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
